


Struggles

by Krashlyn



Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-10
Updated: 2014-11-04
Packaged: 2018-02-20 14:18:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 32
Words: 13,804
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2431883
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Krashlyn/pseuds/Krashlyn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This one might break your hearts.  It might break them a few times.  But stick with me, I promise.</p><p>I already have a few chapters written (unlike usual).  Most will be shorter and more to the point.  So let's go...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

They had been having some issues lately. A lot actually. And neither one would admit it at first so it snowballed into a larger problem.

Ali was avoiding. Ashlyn would push the subject. Neither method appeased the other.

They hadn't been alone together in a while. Camp and training and breaks between NWSL and now gave them some space. But the space wasn't appeasing anything either.

So there they were- sitting on a bench by the water on an overcast November day. More distance between them than before. And neither one spoke.

They decided to go for a walk. They needed to talk about things and maybe it was better to get out and do so. That way no one could hop in their car and leave or slam themselves closed in the bedroom.

It was obvious Ali wasn't going to break the silence so Ashlyn decided she would...

"I think I need some time." She exhaled.

Ali sighed before shaking her head back-and-forth in disapproval. She didn't think time was going to heal anything. What they needed was a solution.

"Time hasn't helped these past six months." She pointed out and played with her watch. Not looking at Ashlyn.

Ashlyn felt a tugging at her heart when Ali said that. She had obviously misunderstood what Ashlyn meant.

It was painful enough admitting it the first time that Ashlyn had to muster some courage to correct Ali.

"I mean... time away from us." She pointed out with a shaky voice. This was the last thing she wanted to do.

But she watched their relationship issues affect Ali's game, affect her sleeping patterns, affect her health and she couldn't be the reason she was crumbling anymore. She loved Ali with all her heart and she couldn't let this ruin her.

Ali's hand froze on her watch. She couldn't believe what she was hearing and her breathing started to quicken its pace.

"What?" She asked in an exhale before slowly turning to face Ashlyn, hurt apparent in her eyes.

"I think we should spend some time apart, Alex." Ashlyn tried to say it as confidently as possible.

Ali felt her world caving in. She knew things were rough but this was the last thing from her mind.

"I... I..." She searched for words. "What?!" There was a fire building in her eyes and Ashlyn knew it would come to this.

"Baby..." Ashlyn reached for her hand when she stood but Ali yanked it away.

"No! Don't you 'baby' me right now!" She raised her voice. "You're serious right now?!"

"Alex, calm down!" Ashlyn grit her teeth and looked around but no one was around anyway.

"Don't tell me to calm down!" Ali pointed her finger at Ashlyn. "You can't just decide to break up with me."

"Alex, I-" Ashlyn started

"You need to weigh your options." Ali interrupted as she paced in front of her.

"Alex, listen-" Ashlyn tried again.

"You need to think about it long and hard and not just-"

"I DID!" Ashlyn yelled finally. "I did weigh my options! I did think about it! I thought about it every night this week when I was sleeping in the guest room. I thought about it last night when you decided not to come home after girls night with Liz. I thought about it, Alex!" 

Ali froze at that- Ashlyn was serious. She saw something in Ashlyn's eyes she'd never seen before- complete apathy. She was done.

"We live together." Ali pointed out, like that would be a deciding factor.

Ashlyn sighed in defeat.

"You didn't even notice." She mumbled and then looked up to Ali who had scrunched her brow waiting for an explanation on that comment.

Ashlyn shook her head in expected disappointment but she felt hurt more than anything else.

"I packed my stuff up two days ago. From our room and the bathroom. My drawers are empty. You didn't notice?" She asked but she already knew the answer.

And now Ali knew too... she **hadn't** noticed.

They waited in silence for a few moments before Ashlyn spoke again.

"I'm driving down to Florida tomorrow. That will be my home between camps until the NWSL starts again." Ashlyn explained.

Everything Ashlyn said from then on was a blur to Ali. She didn't hear much. She just felt nauseous and dizzy and upset.

_How did it get this bad?_

"Hello?" Ashlyn waved her hand in front of Ali's face a few minutes later. "Did you hear anything I just said?" She asked accusingly.

Ali looked her in the eyes as she felt tears stinging her own. Ashlyn seemed unaffected by this- like her mind was made up a long time ago and there was no changing it.

"I hate you." Ali felt herself say quietly. She didn't mean it. She could never hate Ashlyn. She loved her more than anything in this world.

Ashlyn wasn't expecting that. It felt like a punch in the gut. Her eyes went wide and she shamefully looked down to the ground. She never wanted to hurt Ali.

But she was tired of feeling like this- ashamed. So she took it in her own hands to put an end to it and make Ali feel just as bad.

"I guess its a good thing I'm leaving you then." She got one last jab in there.

Ali took that as a final blow. She screwed her eyes shut and felt the warm tears run down her cold cheeks as she quickly walked away. She didn't look back. Ashlyn didn't call after her either.

...


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'll give you two chapters tonight...

Ashlyn went home a few hours later and started moving the rest of her stuff to the guest room closet.

When Ali didn't come home or answer her phone- Ashlyn called Liz. As upset as she was, she still loved Ali and wanted to make sure she was okay.

"Yea. She's here." Liz said. Ash could tell she was trying to hide the bitterness in her voice.

Ashlyn heard faintly in the background- a sniffling, hopeful-sounding Ali.

"Is that her?" Ali's voice shook when she asked. That just about broke Ashlyn's heart.

"Yea, sweetie." Liz said sweetly and then directed her voice back to Ashlyn. Bitterness apparent this time. "Did you need something?"

Ashlyn felt guilty when she realized Liz was mad at her too. She was only trying to do what was best for herself and Ali.

"Can I come pick her up?" Ashlyn asked innocently, child-like, like she was genuinely asking permission.

Ashlyn could tell Liz covered the phone and was talking to Ali. She could tell they were arguing toward the end and then Liz uncovered it and Ashlyn heard her sigh.

"You can." Liz agreed reluctantly.

"Thanks, Liz. I'm sorry." Ashlyn felt guilty and embarrassed.

"I'm not the one you need to say sorry to." Liz muttered and hung up the phone.

...

Ali opened the door and slowly got in the car.

They drove home in silence.

Ashlyn didn't know what to say.

Ali was afraid to say anything. The last thing she said was she hated Ashlyn- she was afraid of what other non-sense she might blurt out.

Ashlyn knew she had been drinking. It was obvious in her walk and her mannerisms but she let it go.

Ali walked straight to their room when they got home. She took note of every, single thing missing. _How did I not notice?_

Ashlyn followed her.

"We still need to talk." She said quietly and cautiously stood by the bed behind Ali.

Ali couldn't bear to rehash the details of their prior conversation. It was too painful.

She turned with a pleading look in her eyes and moved to stand right in front of Ashlyn. She wanted to ask her to stay. She wanted to tell her she needed her. She wanted to describe how much she loved her.

But she didn't.

Instead she grabbed the back of Ashlyn's neck and pulled her in for a kiss.

Ashlyn didn't have the will power to resist Ali. She never did.

"Ali..." She managed to get some words out between kisses. "Wait... we need... to talk."

But Ali was on a mission to get Ashlyn back. To convince her she needed to stay. That they could make it work. That Ali was willing to try.

If only Ali could bring these thoughts to words they would have helped but instead she let her apprehension and the alcohol take her another route.

Ashlyn eventually gave in when she realized Ali wasn't relenting. She couldn't resist her anyway. She had no self-control when it came to this girl.

Break up sex. Something she never wanted to have with Ali...

...


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'll give you guys three more chapters right now...
> 
> I'm sorry for all the angst. I love/hate to write it but its just how I need to write sometimes.
> 
> Stick with me, I promise.

Ali awoke to an empty bed and a massive headache in the morning.

Any other day she would roll over and fall back asleep- not today. She refused to let Ashlyn leave.

The front door was open and her heart sunk when she walked outside. Ashlyn had the Jeep packed and started.

Ashlyn started walking back toward the townhouse, looking down at her phone instead of where she was walking. When she got to the door she looked up to find Ali there and was startled- not realizing she was awake yet.

"Hi." She jumped back and then composed herself. "I was just coming to wake you." She said softly, nervously.

Ali was breathing hard, on the verge of breaking down. She thought maybe after last night things would be different.

"Don't go." She pleaded in a breath.

Ashlyn felt tears swelling in her eyes.

"Ali, I have to..." She pointed out.

"Stay." Ali pleaded again. "Please stay."

"Alex-"

"Let's talk, Ash. We can get through this. Please!" She started sobbing but it was too much too late.

"You told me you hate me." Ashlyn was mostly appalled at this late reaction from Ali more than the fact she said she hated her.

She was on the border of angry and upset.

"And now... now when I'm standing here at the door of what used to be _our_ apartment, _now_ you want to talk... Its past talking now, Ali. You had your chance to talk yesterday."

She tried to walk past Ali but she blocked her and grabbed Ashlyn's hand.

"Baby..."

"Don't 'baby' me right now." Ashlyn mimicked Ali from the day before.

It hurt.

"I don't hate you." Ali pointed out though they both knew that already. "I love you. We've been having some trouble lately but that doesn't change the fact that I love you, Ashlyn." She was pleading even more now.

Ashlyn's heart wanted to stay but her head couldn't do it. She couldn't let this ruin them any further.

"I have to go now, Alex." She said, trying her best to keep her composure, and walked in to get her last bag. "I'll call you when I get there."

Ali couldn't believe it. Even now as she begged Ashlyn to stay she was telling her no. As upset as she was- it made her so mad.

"If you go- this is it." Ali finalized from the doorway and Ashlyn stopped in her tracks. She didn't appreciate being given an ultimatum and she certainly wasn't going to give in to one. She tried to remain calm though.

She walked up to Ali and pulled her into a hug. Kissing her on the cheek and holding her close one more time. They could each feel the other's tears on their cheeks.

Ali was rigid. 

"I hope that's not the case." Ashlyn said softly and walked out the door. Into her car. And away she drove.

...


	4. Chapter 4

Ali didn't answer when she called that night. Or the next. She didn't answer her for over a week and when Ashlyn's calls grew less frequent- Ali felt like she was all alone.

Then Ali drunk dialed her one night.

It was 2AM and Ashlyn knew this wouldn't be a good conversation if she answered. But again, she couldn't resist Ali. It had been so long since she heard her voice. She needed to answer it.

Ali was mad at first but eventually broke down to crying.

It pained Ashlyn to hear so much hurt in her voice. She thought she was doing the right thing but this was making it hard to accept.

"Why'd you break up with me?" Ali urged through tears.

"I didn't break up with you." Ashlyn corrected.

"Not yet." Ali muttered angrily.

"Let's not do this right now." Ashlyn coaxed- she didn't want Ali to say something either of them would regret.

"No, let's..." Ali pushed. "Let me make it easy on you, Ashlyn. Because that's what you want- the easy way out." Ali had a vindictive tone in her voice.

"Ali..." Ashlyn warned but Ali ignored it.

"We're done." Ali said it with so much confidence that it sounded like she actually wanted this.

"Oh, so you're done now?!" Ashlyn was annoyed. Suddenly Ali was calling the shots.

"I think we should see other people." Ali blurted out. It seemed like the right thing to say.

That stopped Ashlyn right there. The line went silent for a moment.

"...See other people?" Ashlyn asked. "That's really what you want?" She was getting upset now.

Ali didn't think before she spoke. She just did it.

"Yes." Ali said, still sounding confident.

"If that's what you want and that will make you happy then..." Ashlyn was fighting tears and Ali could tell. "I have to go. Goodbye, Alex."

The line clicked and Ali collapsed on the ground, gripping the phone in her hand. She didn't want to do that. She didn't want to see other people. But she knew Ashlyn couldn't end it- so she had to.

 _"Goodbye, Alex."_ Played over and over in her head until she finally cried herself to sleep.

...


	5. Chapter 5

Ashlyn didn't answer Ali's phone call the next day. If she couldn't compose herself enough to stop crying when she saw Ali's name on the screen- how was she supposed to compose herself enough to talk?

She didn't answer Ali for three days.

She did answer her on the fourth day. At a party. After a couple drinks. A similar pattern with them lately.

"What do you want?" She asked calmly but she was anything but. She excused herself from the group.

"To apologize." Ali responded. "I didn't mean what I said-"

"Ash, come here!" Ali heard a girl in the background when she was mid-sentence and then a muffled 'one sec' from Ashlyn as she covered the phone.

"I have to go." Ashlyn said abruptly.

"...Who is that?" Ali asked, her stomach in her throat.

"That's none of your business anymore." Ashlyn said and quickly hung up.

Ali stood there dumb-founded. Not only did she not want to see other people but she certainly did not want Ashlyn to see other people. It had only been a few days- how could Ashlyn move on in a few days?

Ali imagined the worst. A pool party where girls in party dresses were all over Ashlyn. Sitting on her lap. Bringing her a drink. Putting their hands on her. It made Ali feel sick.

What Ali didn't know was that Ash was at a family party. Her cousin called her over to get in a picture with everyone. But Ashlyn decided to let Ali think otherwise.

...


	6. Chapter 6

A month passed. They didn't speak. A few texts here and there but that was all.

Ali hardly did anything- she was so depressed. She spent her days wondering how things could have been different. How they could have fixed it. How they could have prevented it.

Ashlyn tried to keep busy. The new surroundings were a good distraction. So was getting a new apartment- she sublet from a friend who was abroad for six months.

Another month passed. There were no texts.

Ali assumed Ashlyn was content in her decision to be apart. Ashlyn was almost always the first to text after an argument and this silence was a sure sign things had changed.

Ashlyn figured Ali's statement of seeing other people was because that is what Ali really wanted. She assumed the worst- that Ali had met someone else. Moved on. Started over. In Ashlyn's mind- that was the only logical reason Ali would ignore her- if she found better.

...

Pinoe visited Ashlyn- she was the first teammate Ashlyn saw since the break-up. She asked how Ash was doing. Asked what happened and why.

She saw Ashlyn in her new home with her old friends... and some new ones. She seemed happy. Content. Like she would be okay.

But it was all a front.

Ashlyn knew Pinoe was a good friend to both her and Ali. She knew if there was any hint of unhappiness in her eyes Pinoe would catch it. She would let Ali know.

Ashlyn didn't want Ali to know she was unhappy. She viewed that as a weakness. If Ali wanted to see other people- Ashlyn was going to make sure Ali knew she was fine without her. She could move on.

And at night when Ashlyn left Pinoe on the couch to sleep in her room- she cried herself to sleep. Like she did every night since Ali's phone call.

...

Pinoe visited Ali next. Straight from Florida.

Ali did not seem happy. She was not content. She was not okay. She couldn't fake it for Pinoe. She looked a mess and acted it too.

She asked about Ashlyn immediately. Pinoe told her she seemed happy. She seemed like she was doing okay.

Pinoe couldn't bear to tell her the rest.

...


	7. Chapter 7

National Team camp came up and both were on the roster. The first time they would see each other in almost three months and neither was ready for it.

Ashlyn kept her eyes to the ground after she checked-in as she walked to the elevators. She didn't want an awkward lobby run-in with Ali.

She felt a hand on her shoulder as she waited for the elevator doors to open.

She closed her eyes in defeat and slowly turned around.

But it was only Kelley.

"Hey..." Kell said, cautiously. Ashlyn looked pretty worried but composed herself better when she saw who it was.

"Hi!" She exhaled and pulled Kelley into an engulfing hug. "Hiii." She mumbled again into Kelley's chest.

Kelley hadn't seen Ashlyn since last camp. Since her and Ali were still together. And she feared this break-up was messy- though Ashlyn told her she was fine. But Kelley could tell right now that she wasn't.

Ashlyn was hugging her tight- like she was holding on for dear life. And she was- she was holding it all in.

"I'm coming up with you." Kelley nodded and they piled into the elevator with the other guests.

...

"So its safe to say you lied to me?" Kelley asked from the hotel room floor, where she was sitting next to a broken-down Ashlyn.

"I don't know. I thought I was okay. I thought this is what she wanted." Ashlyn sobbed.

Kelley pulled her in and held her close and told her everything was going to be okay. She wished she could convey to Ali- everything Ashlyn just confessed. Maybe if she could- everything would be alright. But for right now- she had to be there for Ashlyn.

There was one thing she couldn't convey to Ali. She didn't want to do that. It had to be Ashlyn to tell her because it wasn't going to go over well.

Kelley stood at the door a few minutes later when Ashlyn had calmed down and said she was going to take a nap. She paused before she left.

"Ash..." She started. Afraid to spark anymore emotions.

"Yea?" Ashlyn asked, her voice was back to normal, no longer shaking.

"Are you going to tell her?" She inquired.

Ashlyn knew exactly what she was talking about.

"I can't, Kel." She said. She felt guilty, shameful.

"I think she deserves to know." Kelley says quickly and exits the hotel room in a rush.

...


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You might hate me after this. I hate me right now. But it's all part of the story, alright? Hang in there!
> 
> I'll update again tonight.
> 
> PS- but don't really hate me

Pinoe made sure to intercept Ali in the lobby and walk with her to her room.

She looked a lot better than the last time Pinoe saw her.

Ali was actually wearing make-up and real clothes this time. Pinoe knew it was all because she wanted to look good for Ashlyn but she hoped it would make Ali feel better too.

"You look cute." She pointed out.

"What? Y-yea." Ali looked down at her outfit. "Trying to get back to normal." She said. Her voice was a little quieter than usual but she certainly seemed a bit better.

"You doing okay?" Pinoe asked.

"Not really." Ali shook her head side to side. "This is only going to make it harder." She admitted.

"Maybe you guys can get back to being friends." Pinoe suggested but she's not sure why she said that. She was pretty sure "friends" wasn't an option for those two. It was all or nothing.

"I can't just be friends with her." Ali explained. "But I do plan to talk to her- about us. I had a lot of time to think and-"

"Kriegy, I think-"

"We just had a rough few weeks and a stupid break-up." Ali pointed out. "I love her, we just need to talk it out."

Ali pulled out her phone as she continued.

"Do you know what room she's in?" Ali asked.

Pinoe cocked her head to the side. She couldn't believe Ali was actually planning on having this conversation right now.

"I'll just call her and ask." Ali added when Pinoe only stared at her.

"You can't." Pinoe butted in.

"Pinoe, I can call her. It's fine."

"No, you can't have this conversation with her, Al... She..." Pinoe paused.

She weighed her options. _Don't tell Ali and let her make a fool of herself - or - tell her and break her heart even more._

"She has a girlfriend!" Pinoe finally blurted out the detail she held back since she visited Ashlyn in Florida.

_Tell her and break her heart even more._

Pinoe felt horrible but she couldn't sit and watch.

The look on Ali's face was of heart-breaking, gut-wrenching surprise. Pinoe didn't know which was worse anymore.

...


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Last update for today. Thanks for all the comments, guys! They keep me going!

Ali focused on training. Practice and weights and ice baths. Running on the beach at night with HAO. She completely consumed herself with the sport. And she avoided Ashlyn.

For three days they had no interaction.

They were always professional on the field but it switched to silence once they were outside the touch lines.

Their teammates were in the middle without even trying to be. No one expected them to take sides but it happened naturally anyway. They all took the team's side and tried to get them to talk to each other without having to say it....

...

Alex bumped Ashlyn into Ali near the bench one day. When Ali tripped over a bag, Ashlyn caught her arm and brought her back to her feet.

The contact was electrifying. It ignited a thousand memories in their minds.

"Sorry." Ashlyn said quietly and looked to the ground before turning away.

Ali didn't even respond.

Alex shook her head when her plan failed.

...

When they had to partner up for a keeper/back-line stretching excercise, Whit purposely snagged a different partner and Becky did the same. Leaving those two without their usual partners and as the only ones without partners.

It seemed like a good plan- until Ali lied and told the coach she was feeling lightheaded and needed a water break.

Their plan only served to make Ashlyn feel left out and further from Ali than before. It was obvious to her Ali wanted to keep her distance- she just never thought it would hurt so much.

...

Syd had a plan she swore would work. She made plans to grab dinner with Ali that night- just the two of them.

 **Text from Sydney:** Meet at my room when you're ready. 217.

 **Text from Ali:** See you in a few :)

Ali knocked on 217 and waited for Syd to answer. But it wasn't Syd. It was Ashlyn who came to the door.

They stared at each other for a moment.

"What're you doing here?!" Ali accused.

"Me?" Ashlyn was confused. "What are _you_ doing here?" Ashlyn matched her tone.

"If Syd told me **you** were her roommate, I wouldn't have agreed to meet at her room!" Ali brushed past and into the room like she was on a mission.

Ashlyn narrowed her eyes as Ali walked into an empty room. No Sydney.

"Syd's not my roommate!" Ashlyn pointed out. "What are you doing here?" She was getting annoyed.

"She told me to come to 217. We were going to dinner." Ali explained. Her patience was wearing thin as she pulled out her phone to prove it.

"Syd's not even on this floor." Ashlyn looked at the phone and saw it did indeed say 217.

"Why would she have me get all dressed up and come to your room..." She trailed off as they both realized what was going on.

Both of them let their heads hang as they realized they had been played. Now... and before too.

Ashlyn flopped on her bed and stared at the ceiling. Ash sighed a deep exhale.

"When did we start avoiding and yelling each other?" She asked in defeat.

"When you didn't tell me you have a new girlfriend." Ali replied quietly as she sat on the other bed. She meant it and she didn't at the same time.

Ashlyn flinched and closed her eyes and tried to think of how to explain. She wasn't ready to tell Ali about this. She wasn't ready to date someone either- it sort of, just happened.

"Yea... I know. Pinoe told me. At least someone had the decency to do so." Ali said with discouragement in her voice.

"I'm sorry. I should have told you." Ashlyn admitted.

_She's a rebound and a distraction and she's supposed to help me get over you because you want to move on. But she's nothing like you. And that's supposed to be a good thing but its not because I want someone who's exactly like you... I want you._

"You should have." Ali agreed. She was much more calm now. But still upset.

Ashlyn sat up and took a deep breath. She let her eyes meet Ali's. But not before taking their time up her whole body.

_Damn. She looks good._

Ali noticed and cleared her throat.

"I should go." She said.

"You don't have to..." Ashlyn didn't even realize what she was saying.

They stared at each other for a moment. The tension was thick.

Ali couldn't let herself fall back into this rut. She couldn't let herself get more caught up in Ashlyn. She has a girlfriend. And no matter what she might be insinuating right now- that was how it was going to be.

"I'm gonna go." Ali walked toward the door and Ashlyn's heart ached.

Ashlyn wanted to stop her. To tell her she was wrong. To tell her everything. But she didn't.

Ali stopped before the door closed behind her.

"Maybe..." She took a deep breath. "Maybe one day I can meet her...?" She asked graciously.

She certainly did NOT want to do that but if Ashlyn was going to move on she wanted to make sure this girl was worth it. She was protective of her best friend turned girlfriend turned... friend?

Ashlyn stared at her. Hurt in her eyes but Ali was too far to really see it.

To Ashlyn, it seemed Ali wasn't affected by her seeing someone else. Like she was okay with it- considering she wanted to meet her. Ashlyn couldn't imagine it but she wanted this if Ali wanted this.

But if Ali wanted this then she really did want to get over Ashlyn.

Ashlyn just nodded as Ali disappeared into the hall.

If only Ashlyn could see her crumble to the floor when the door closed between them. If she could hear her sobbing as she hurried back to her room.

Ashlyn buried herself in bed for the rest of the night and turned off her phone. The last thing she wanted was to talk to anyone.

She felt like a piece of her was dying.

...


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Actually THIS is my last chapter today...
> 
> Hang in there, friends.

Sydney was pretty proud of herself the next day. Not hearing from Ali the night before was a good sign.

Or so she thought...

And when Ali came down to breakfast looking like she got no sleep last night. They were all pretty sure things were panning out.

But Ashlyn came down a few minutes later. Grabbed a coffee and an apple and walked back out. Not bothering to look at anyone. Especially Ali.

And Ali watched as she left. Pausing when her figure slipped out the door and taking a deep, shuddering breath when she was completely out of sight.

Syd had it all wrong. She only made it worse.

"Hey..." She said when she walked over to where Ali was sitting with Hope and Carli.

"Hi." Ali gave her a look and Syd crouched down in front of her. "I don't really feel like talking about it." Ali mumbled.

She knew Sydney meant well but she couldn't help but feel bitter.

"When I didn't hear from you I thought... maybe..." She trailed off.

Ali shook her head sadly and looked down. Sydney felt so guilty.

"You thought wrong." Ali managed to choke out.

"Al, I'm so sorry..." She put her hand on Ali's back but Ali pulled away.

"I have to go get ready for practice." She lied and left the room in a hurry before she could break down in front of everyone.

...


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More tomorrow

"Kriegs, we don't have to go." HAO said as they got in the rental car.

Ali was down in Florida visiting her mom. HAO and Pinoe flew in for a visit and some fun in the sun.

Ashlyn was having a party tonight at her new place. Just something small and she invited HAO and Pinoe since she knew they would be relatively close. And Ali. She decided to invite Ali and take her up on meeting her girlfriend.

"I know. But I can do it." She sighed.

 _Maybe it will make me feel better if I see this girl sucks or they don't have chemistry or something._ She was wishfully thinking.

Pinoe knew why she was doing this. She let her ride it out. Maybe it _would_ help to meet her.

...

Ali froze when they walked around to the backyard. Maybe this _was_ a bad idea.

Just seeing Ashlyn made her stomach flip.

She caught Ashlyn's eye mid-sentence and they shared a smile. Forgetting the past four months ever happened for just a second. The girl next to Ashlyn noticed the pause and followed her gaze.

"That's her, isn't it?" Ashlyn was taken from the stare when her girlfriend spoke to her.

"What? I..." She shook her head and turned to the girl. "I'm sorry... what?" She was out of it.

"I said your friends are here." She recovered when she realized Ashlyn wouldn't notice.

"Oh... yea. Thanks." She said and headed in their direction. Leaving her girlfriend behind.

...


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part 1 of a two chapter update...

"That's her...?" Ali assumed when she saw Ashlyn talking to the girl next to her. The girl looking straight at Ali.

Pinoe nodded, having met her last time.

 _She's fucking beautiful._ Ali thought.

She kicked herself for agreeing to do this. For suggesting this in the first place.

_Of course Ashlyn's new girlfriend is a knock-out._

"Hey guys!" Ash hugged HAO and Pinoe first and then came to Ali- giving her a longer hug but made sure it wasn't **too** long. Though she wanted to hang on longer.

Ali saw the girlfriend making her way over and realized she couldn't do this right now.

"Is that Liz and Jess?!" Ali feigned surprise and headed over there, pretending not to realize the girl walking over.

"Yea. I- oookay." Ashlyn said as Ali left and her girlfriend walked up.

She wrapped an arm around Ashlyn's waist and welcomed Pinoe back before Ashlyn introduced her to HAO.

"HAO, this is Kate. Kate, this is HAO." Ashlyn introduced.

"Nice to meet you." Kate obliged and HAO did too.

...


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part 2 of a two chapter update...

Liz almost spit out her beer when Ali walked up to them. They were not expecting to see her here.

"Oh my god..." Liz said as her jaw dropped.

"I know." Ali was surprised at herself for being there too.

She let out an anxious groan and looked like she was about to cry.

"I'm not sure why I agreed to this." She admitted and Jess handed over her beer.

Ali took a few huge sips and handed it back.

"Thanks." She nodded to them.

Over the years of her friendship, and later, her relationship with Ashlyn- Ali had become a part of the group.

"Of course." Jess responded.

They were both surprised to see Ali. Especially since neither of them ever got the full story from Ashlyn. But they both loved Ali from the start. She was one of them and was great for Ashlyn.

They would do anything to bring her back.

"I really missed you." Liz confessed as she hugged Ali supportively.

"I really miss you guys too." Ali said. Trying to keep it together when Jess joined the hug too.

"She misses you too." Liz added so only Ali could hear and pulled away to sip more of her beer.

Ali wasn't sure why Liz would say that but she had to let it go for now because Ashlyn was walking over... with her girlfriend.

_Here goes nothing..._

...


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> First of three more chapters

"Kate, this is Ali. Ali, this is Kate." Ashlyn left it at that.

"Hi." Kate said as Ali shook her hand. She had beautiful, piercing eyes and a nice smile. _Damn._

"Hi." Ali responded back. Not giving her much more.

Kate took note of Ali's beautiful, brown eyes and her killer smile. She planned to keep an eye on Ashlyn tonight.

"What's your name again?" She asked and Ali was a little thrown off.

"Um... Ali." She said with her signature mumble.

 _Even the way she talks is enthralling._ Kate thought.

"Ali... Ali..." She pretended to think back. "Babe, you never told me stories of any Ali." She said in an innocent tone.

Ashlyn narrowed her eyes and gave her a glare.

"Well, anyway... nice to meet you, Ali." Kate finished before Ashlyn could say anything. She let go of Ali's hand before reaching for Ashlyn's and guiding them away.

Ali stood there dumbfounded and hurt. And maybe a little embarrassed.

Ashlyn's friends looked between each other and shook their heads in disappointment.

...


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Second of three more chapters

"What was that?" Ashlyn looked mad. Defensive even.

"What?" Kate feigned oblivion.

"That little stunt you just pulled in front of my friends?" Ashlyn pointed.

"Oh, I was just messing with her, Ashlyn." Kate pushed her playfully.

"Messing with her or marking your territory?" Ashlyn pressed it.

She didn't like mind games. She didn't like any games at Ali's expense.

"Just messing with her, babe." Kate hugged Ashlyn tight when she realized how worked up she was.

Ashlyn softened up a little and figured she meant no harm by it.

"Unless..." Kate started kissing up her neck. "You want me to mark my territory?" She teased and got a smile out of Ashlyn.

It calmed Ashlyn down and she caved in.

"Maybe later?" She suggested and let Kate kiss her on the lips.

Right when Ali happened to look over.

Ali turned away and took a gulp of her beer.

What Ali didn't see was the uncertainty on Ashlyn's face.

It was going to be a long night.

...


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Third of three chapter update.
> 
> Here ya go!

Ali was getting another beer at the keg when she heard a familiar voice behind her.

"Goddd, this line is so long." Ashlyn whined sarcastically- being the only person there aside from Ali.

Ali forced a laugh and stepped to the side when she was done.

"I uh... like your new place." Ali offered after a moment of awkward silence. It was either that or walking away.

"Thanks." Ashlyn was genuinely thankful she chose to stay. "Have you been down to the beach yet?" She pointed to her own, private path.

"No." Ali said. Not noticing until now it was there.

Ashlyn tried her best not to ask but she couldn't stop herself.

"Want to go for a walk?" She said quietly.

Ali's eyes darted to her and she saw Ashlyn's pleading gaze.

"Okay." Ali agreed and followed her to the path.

No one even noticed.

...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're getting somewhere now...


	17. Chapter 17

They walked down a while and sat on the beach under the moon, just listening to the waves crash.

It was calming. And it was also familiar. They didn't need words for a while. Just each other's company.

Ashlyn broke the silence yet again.

"I'm sorry about before... with Kate." She appologized. "She really is nice. But I guess maybe a little jealous." She admitted.

"I see." Ali nodded. She didn't really want to talk about this. She didn't really want to _talk_ at all.

"What're we doing, Alex?" Ashlyn asked abruptly. 

Ali had no idea where this was coming from or when the conversation changed.

"What do you mean?" Ali furrowed her brow.

"Are we friends? Are we not friends? Are we..." _Something else?_

"I don't know, Ash. You're the one who needed 'time'. And now you're seeing someone else so..." She brought it up straight.

"You broke up with me. Said you wanted to see other people." Ashlyn was a little drunk and a little confused. But Ali could get more info this way.

"I didn't mean those things when I said them. I was mad." Ali explained, also a little drunk. "I didn't think you were going to do it... the **one** time you listened to me." She partially joked but quickly realized she couldn't do that right now.

"I wanted you to call my bluff." Ashlyn confessed quickly.

"What?" Ali was confused with the sudden change of subject.

"When I said I needed time. I wanted you to tell me 'no'. To convince me to stay. But you didn't- you just let me go." She said sadly. "You hardly even fought me on it. It only further proved my point."

"Ash... I asked you to stay. You said it was too late."

Ali felt pretty guilty about not trying harder the first time. She held Ashlyn's hand in her own and continued.

"Maybe we can-"

Ashlyn's phone started ringing in her pocket.

**Kate calling...**

She ignored it, much to Ali's relief.

But then she pulled her hand away and stood up.

Ali stood too- not ready to end this conversation. They were getting somewhere.  
.  
"I should get back." Ashlyn put the phone in her pocket and turned in the direction of the house.

But Ali grabbed her hand and turned her back around.

"Wait!" She said as she pulled her in and kissed her hard on the lips.

She didn't even realize she was doing it until she felt Ashlyn kissing her back.

Ali pulled away quickly a few seconds later.

"Fuck. Fuck! I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that." She stepped back and Ashlyn just stared at her with wide eyes.

Ali felt tears swelling in her eyes. She couldn't believe she just did that.

"I should... get back." Ashlyn reiterated. A little slower this time. Trying to act like that didn't just happen.

"Okay, yea." Ali agreed as her heart raced in her chest. She started to walk toward the house next to her.

..


	18. Chapter 18

They walked the whole way in silence.

Ashlyn was doing so well trying to get over Ali (or so she thought) and that just brought her back to square-one.

Right before they walked up the path to the house, Ashlyn turned to her.

Ali anticipated the next move but it never came.

"Ali, this... never happened. Okay?" She had to process a lot of information before she could even begin to think what that meant.

Ali's heart dropped a little at that, but what did she expect?

"Yea." Ali replied quietly as she looked down at the ground.

Ashlyn walked back up to the party and Ali stayed down at the beach to finish her beer. She waited there until HAO came down looking for her.

"Are you ready to go?" Ali asked without even turning around to see who it was.

HAO could tell something had happened but figured she would let Ali decide when it was time to talk about it.

"Ready when you are, Kriegs."

...


	19. Chapter 19

The next camp was less than two weeks away.

Ali hadn't heard from Ashlyn. She called one night and was sent straight to voicemail. She was beginning to think all chances of hope were gone.

Ashlyn hadn't heard from Ali since their kiss. She was beginning to think it was just a drunken mistake and that Ali was avoiding her.

Ashlyn only told Whit about what happened at the beach. Ali told no one.

...

Ali got her roommate assignment. She looked down at the name on the paper.

_This is either going to be really good or really bad._

Ali Krieger and Whitney Engen.

...

Whit met Ashlyn down by the pool on the first day.

"Hey!" Ashlyn crushed her in a hug.

"Hey you." Whitney held tight. "How are you?"

"I'm good." Ashlyn nodded up-and-down.

"Yea?" Whit inquired.

Ashlyn just shrugged her shoulders.

"She's my roommate, ya know." Whitney added.

"Oh." Ashlyn took a second to absorb that. "Well, I apologize in advance for not stopping by your room." She said and turned back to the pool.

It was like she didn't want to say it but felt she had to.

"Ash?" Whitney started.

"Yea." Ashlyn tried not to look at her.

"I think its on you now. So... if you want her back- don't mess around." Whit said and sat on the lounger next to her. "That's all I'll say." She added and laid back to catch some sun.

...


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Update 2 of 2 today. The struggle is reallll. The next chapter is pretty good though.

As much as Ashlyn wanted to be bold and take Whitney's advice- she didn't. She was too worried that Ali had just made a mistake that night on the beach. That it meant nothing. So she avoided it matter altogether.

Everyone went out on the third night. The two of them had obviously avoided each other and some of their teammates were sick of it. After a few drinks, some of them found themselves talking about it.

"What should we do?" Alex asked and they all shook their heads, running out of ideas.

"Let me talk to Ash." Abby suggested and they all agreed to it. Abby was pretty influential and one of Ash's good friends. She had a pretty good chance of getting through.

But when she looked for Ashlyn, she found out she headed back to the hotel with Pinoe and Kelley a few minutes ago.

She was done trying to help.

...

Ali drank a little too much. Well, a lot too much.

"Tobin..." She started. "Tobin, you're her roommate, Tobin." Ali slurred just a little.

Tobin tried her best not to smile at Ali's adorable drunkness. She knew she needed to be a good friend right now but the fact Ali repeatedly said her name was also amusing.

"Did she say anything, Tobin?" Ali asked slowly, trying to mask her inebriation.

"We didn't really talk about you guys, Al." Tobin sugar-coated it a bit.

"Oh..." Ali pouted and rested her head on A-Rod's shoulder for the rest of the cab ride.

...


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Update 1 of 2: I think you will like where this is heading from here on out...
> 
> Let me know!

Getting Ali from the cab to the lobby proved to be a chore. She seemed pretty adamant on not going in.

Alex thought it might be because she was afraid to run into Ashlyn. It only further sparked their curiosity on what had happened between the two. Ashlyn didn't want to talk about it.

Alex moved to help her but Ali abruptly pulled her arm away.

"What's your problem, Ali?!" Alex had enough.

Ali just stared at her for a second. The yelling sparked her emotions back up. She looked like she was going to cry.

"I don't want to see her!" She sobbed.

Alex immediately felt guilty for yelling. She felt like a bad friend and wrapped Ali in a hug. She motioned for Tobin to stay and for A-Rod and Whitney to go.

"Kriegs, she's probably asleep. You won't see her." Tobin assured.

"No. Ever." Ali spoke louder. "I don't **ever** want to see her again!" She held to Alex tighter.

"You don't mean that." Alex coaxed and gave Tobin a sympathetic look. They felt so bad.

"I do." Ali choked out. "I do mean that." She cried.

But really, she didn't mean it. She knew she didn't mean it. But she thought it would make it easier to accept if Ashlyn had moved on.

...

She cried into Alex's shoulder for a few more minutes and then stepped away.

"I want to go to bed." She said but still was not able to walk without tipping every now-and-then.

"Okay." Tobin nodded. "Let's go." She wrapped an arm around her back and helped her along.

...

In the elevator, Tobin pressed the button for the 2nd floor.

Alex looked at her confused. _Was Tobin drunk too?_

"She's on the third-"

But Tobin gave her a pointed glare and Alex stopped herself mid-sentence.

Tobin... had a plan.

...


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Update 2 of 2... go!
> 
> PS- love you guys. More to come later!

They knocked on the door for room 217. Tobin could have used her own key-card but she needed to support a drunk and huggy Ali.

"Whose room is this?" Alex asked but went along with it anyway.

Ashlyn looked through the peep-hole and only saw Alex. She opened the door rubbing her eyes and froze when she saw the other two.

"No." She said sternly and pointed at Tobin, who still had Ali on her arm.

"Ash..." Alex warned, not sure what to say, seeing as she wasn't in on the plan.

"She wanted to see you. We couldn't talk her out of it." Tobin lied as she handed Ali over.

Alex just looked at her. Surprised at this idea but glad Tobin thought of it.

Ali had no idea this was going on, let alone why it was going on. She just stared up at Ashlyn. And she certainly hadn't processed what Tobin just said. She was passed off to Ashlyn before she knew anything was even happening.

Time stood still for both Ali and Ashlyn. Ali because she was drunk and processing and Ashlyn because she was holding Ali in her arms again. Ali clinging to her tight. Outside an empty hotel room where her roommate just told her she'd switch rooms with Ali tonight.

...

And now Tobin and Alex were gone. And it was just the two of them. And Ashlyn had no idea what to do.

...


	23. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys are starting to hate me a lot less now...
> 
> Still love you all!

Ashlyn knew she couldn't bring Ali back to her room. She knew Whit and Tobin wouldn't be happy with that. She also knew Ali needed someone to take care of her right now. As much as it pained Ashlyn to be so close yet so far, she had to be the one to do it.

"Come on." She lifted Ali and let the door close them in the room.

Ali was fully aware of her surroundings and who was holding her but she still wasn't coherent enough to understand why.

Ashlyn was holding her like a kid as she walked them into the room. Ali pushed herself back and looked her in the eye, still in Ashlyn's arms.

Ashlyn could tell she had been crying by how red her eyes were. She could tell how drunk she was by how glassy they were. She could tell how lost Ali was by the look in them.

Ali didn't let go of Ashlyn when she was put down on the bed.

"Al..." Ashlyn warned and Ali reluctantly let go.

The blonde crouched down and put her hands on Ali's knees.

"Did we have a little too much to drink?" Ashlyn asked softly. It was rare to see Ali like this and Ashlyn couldn't help but be slightly amused.

Ali silently nodded her head up-and-down, a little embarrassed.

"Are you okay?" Ashlyn asked another question.

Ali silently shook her head side-to-side.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Ashlyn pushed a little further.

"No." Ali mumbled.

"Oh! She speaks." Ashlyn lightened up when she heard the innocence in Ali's voice. "Do you want some water?"

Ali said she did and Ashlyn went to the bathroom to fill a glass. When she came back, Ali was passed out on the bed.

"Al..." She tapped her leg. "Come on, Al." She shook her a little. "You need water." She pulled her arm to sit her back up.

Ali groaned and tried to lay back down but Ashlyn caught her again. She was a little harder to manage when she was drunk and leaned too far forward, falling into Ashlyn and off the bed.

She landed in Ashlyn's lap, one hand on the other bed to steady herself., the other on Ashlyn's shoulder. She looked from her hand to Ashlyn's eyes.

They held for a moment until Ali leaned their foreheads together. They were both breathing heavily.

Ashlyn needed to get out of this situation before she could do something they would regret... but she couldn't move. Ali had such an emotional hold on her it was insane. Her self-control was about to be put to the ultimate test.

But Ali's self-control was out the window. She didn't care right now.

She tilted her head and kissed Ashlyn passionately, like she never wanted to stop. She held her close.

Ashlyn gave in the second their lips met. She was in trouble with this girl. She would always have a weakness for her.

Ali pulled away a minute later.

"S-sorry." She mumbled.

Ashlyn tried to catch her breath.

"No, _I'm_ sorry." Ashlyn said, feeling like she may have taken advantage of the situation. "I kissed back. That was me too." She explained.

"No." Ali shook her head slightly. That wasn't what she was sorry for... "Sorry 'cause... I'mma do it again." She mumbled though the alcohol and leaned in for more.

...


	24. Chapter 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another update coming tonight :)

Ali woke with a massive headache the next morning. 

She tried to remember the night- where they went, how she got home, etc. Nothing was coming to her. 

And then she noticed there was an arm around her torso. Her very naked torso. And it was a very heavily tattoo'd arm. An arm she knew so well. 

_Oh god, what did I do?_

... 

Ali tried to go back to sleep. She didn't want to leave this embrace but she wasn't sure if she should stay. 

When sleep wasn't happening, she pulled herself away and sat up. Waking Ashlyn in the process. 

"Alex?" She asked through a yawn and wiped her face on her gray t-shirt. 

Ali had scooted to sit up against the headboard and covered herself with a blanket, pulling her knees to her chest. 

Ashlyn immediately realized Ali didn't remember a thing and knew what she must be thinking.

"Suddenly shy?" She pointed to the blanket and teased a little at Ali's expense. 

Ali just stared at her, wondering what they had done the night before. Feeling horrible for not knowing. 

Ashlyn got serious and sat to face her.

"We didn't." She pointed out. "Just so you know." 

Ali was relieved. At least, she thought she was relieved. 

"We didn't?" Ali double-checked. "Because I'm..." She trailed off and motioned that she was not wearing a shirt. 

"No. We didn't." Ashlyn reassured. "You tried... but we didn't." She added. 

_Oh no._ Now Ali was really embarrassed. 

"I tried?!" She asked. 

"Yea..." Ashlyn nodded. "Hence the um... shirtless-ness. But I didn't let it go past making-out." She verified. 

"We made-out?!" Ali was totally miffed by that. "Ash, I'm really sorr-" 

"I kissed you back." Ashlyn interupted quickly. Letting Ali know it wasn't a mistake. Though she felt really guilty about it. 

"Oh..." Ali looked at her, expecting more. 

"Oh?" Ashlyn asked. "That's all you have to say?" 

"No, I just..." Ali tried to think but nothing was coming to her. "We kissed?" She asked obviously and tried not to smile. 

Ashlyn nodded up and down. She knew they should not be smiling about this. _Again._

She got up and grabbed Ali a t-shirt before walking to the bathroom. She splashed water on her face and looked in the mirror and asked herself what she was doing. She had no answer. 

...


	25. Chapter 25

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Should I add another chapter tonight or wait for tomorrow?

"So... what does this mean?" Ali asked when Ashlyn came back into sight. 

Ashlyn was hoping for some time before that one came up. 

"I don't know." She responded but 'I don't know' was not an acceptable answer for Ali. 

She glared at Ashlyn whose head was hung low, eyes to the floor. 

"I'm gonna go to the bathroom." Ali excused. 

... 

She came back a couple minutes later. Her heels in her hand from last night. Sweater hung over her shoulder. She looked annoyed. Like she had enough. 

Ashlyn paused when their eyes met. 

"I just have one question for you Ashlyn and then I'll leave you alone." She started. 

"Al, you don't have to leave me alo-" 

"Do you still love me or am I wasting my time?!" Ali interrupted. 

"W-what?" Ashlyn narrowed her eyes. Not expecting that one. 

"Are you..." Ali slowed it down, expecting this to start a battle. "Still in love... with me?" 

"Yes." Ashlyn answered almost before Ali finished her question. 

It was so easy for Ashlyn to answer that. Of all the things in the world- that is the one thing she knew to be 100% true. Her love for Ali. 

Ali wasn't expecting such a simple, straight-forward answer and the sincerity of it gave her hope. 

"Well... you know how I feel so..." She took a deep breath. "Its up to you." She said as she turned and walked out the door.

...


	26. Chapter 26

Ali swiped the card to her room and walked in quietly since it was still early. But she heard two voices whispering about pretending to be asleep as she rounded the corner.

When she saw her bed, she was reminded of why it was taken.

 _Tobin._ She snarled and marched right over.

"What. The. Hell?" She smacked Tobin's arm with each word.

Whitney tried not to laugh when Tobin looked up to Ali with an offended glare.

"You threw me to the wolves." Ali whined.

"Ash is hardly a wolf." Tobin scoffed and began to sit up.

She looked over to Whit who had yet to be filled in. She let Tobin in the room last night and asked no questions. She figured it would all come to light in the morning. If not, she would certainly ask.

And now, it was time to ask.

"You brought her to Ashlyn? THAT was your plan?" Whitney was skeptical, she knew how drunk Ali was last night.

"What _plan_ is she taking about, Tobin?" Ali pressed.

"To get you to realize you're still in love with each other." She said obviously. A little annoyed. "And hopefully back together." She added.

Ali grew quiet and sat on the edge of the bed.

Tobin looked to Whit and then back to Ali. She felt a little bad for her attitude and softened up.

"Did it work?" She asked hesitantly.

"I don't know." Ali said softly, unsure.

"So... wait." Whit cut in. "Did something happen?" She asked. Now she was sitting up too.

"I don't know." Ali said again. Same sad tone.

"Ali." Whit warned sternly. She was worried how this would affect her best friend.

"Yea... something mighta happened." She muttered, guiltily.

Whit got up and extended her hand for Tobin's room key. Tobin handed it to her but kept her eyes on Ali.

Whit knew Ash would need someone to talk to and she knew Ali was more likely to talk to Tobin if she wasn't there.

"I'll be downstairs." She nodded knowingly to both of them and headed out the door.

...


	27. Chapter 27

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We're on the upside now :)

"What happened?" Tobin put a hand on Ali's shoulder.

"I don't know." Ali repeated.

"Al..." Tobin pried.

"No, really. I don't know." She was starting to get upset. "We kissed. But that's literally all I know!"

...

"You kissed her?!" Whit yelled.

"Well, technically _she_ kissed me. But yea... I know!" Ashlyn was pacing the room. "I don't know why I did that!" She put her hand on her head and tipped it back in frustration.

"Because you love her." Whitney pointed it out like it was the most obvious thing ever.

"Well... yea." Ashlyn said very matter of fact. "But, I mean... I cheated on my girlfriend, Whit." _Again_

"With the love of your life." Whit stated the obvious again. It was clear whose side she was on.

Ashlyn just glared at her and Whit got the hint to tone it down.

"Listen, Ash... you need to figure this out. And fast. Because you're going to lose Ali for real this time if you don't." Whit looked her in the eyes and saw Ashlyn's acceptance of her advice.

She knew there was no need to push it. Ashlyn had a lot of thinking to do. So she pushed another subject.

"So what happened last night? Because Ali seems to have no idea." She snooped a bit.

Ashlyn looked down to hide the smile spreading across her face.

"We made-out and stuff." She mumbled.

"And stuff? Ash..." Whitney pushed it.

"Just like... a little more." She smiled wider but then put herself in check. "But I had to stop her."

"Because of Kate?" Whitney knew that wasn't the reason but having Ashlyn prove her point for her would be more effective.

"No..." Ashlyn thought on that for a moment. "I didn't think about Kate 'til after... Hmm..."

Whitney's plan was working so far. She could see the gears turning in Ashlyn's brain.

"I stopped because didn't want to take advantage of her. She was way more drunk than I was. I didn't want her to do something she would regret." Ashlyn said it all at once.

_Because you're still in love with her..._

"But I didn't think of Kate until long after I stopped it." Ashlyn had a realization.

She stared at the ground for a long time and Whit let her have a moment. Ashlyn slowly looked up and into Whit's eyes.

"What do I do?" She genuinely asked.

"I think you already know the answer to that." Whit said and pulled her into a hug.

Ashlyn hugged her hard and rested her head on Whit's shoulder. Yea, she knew what she had to do.

...


	28. Chapter 28

"Tobs, let's go get breakfast." Whit said as she came back into the room.

Tobin looked to Ali as she looked back at them with a furrowed brow. She didn't like being excluded.

But Whit gave her a soft smile and Ali knew something was up. Tobin did too so she hurried to brush her teeth and was ready to go.

"You guys are really going without me?" Ali whined. Still too hungover to go anyway.

"I think..." Whit zeroed in on her. "You really want to stay here." She said convincingly. Letting Ali know something indeed was up.

Ali gave her a scowl and pretended to be mad but seeing as Whit had just come from Ashlyn's room, Ali was intrigued.

"Whateverrr." Ali looked out the window until they started to walk out.

"See ya later, Kriegs!" Tobin called from the door. And then, directing to someone in the hall. "Hey, Ash."

Ali's ears perked up at the sound of Ashlyn's name. But the door clicked shut and she slumped back down. She realized she had it all wrong. Whitney didn't invite her to breakfast- to avoid an awkward situation with Ash.

She had all but given up.

But then she saw movement out of the corner of her eye. Someone walking further into the room.

Ashlyn.

...

"Hey." Ash said shyly.

Ali didn't respond. She just looked her in the eyes.

"Can we talk?" Ashlyn asked in the same tone.

_That was fast._

But Ali only gaped at her. She couldn't speak yet. And Ashlyn worried maybe it was too soon.

"...If you need more time, I can go." She pointed her thumb over her shoulder and to the door.

"No! No." Ali finally found words. "Stay."

...


	29. Chapter 29

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Short update. As mentioned- most chapters will be short and to the point. So, you've been warned :) again

Ashlyn moved to sit on the edge of Whit's bed so she could face Ali.

Ali sat up against the headboard and turned to her. Waiting for her to start.

But Ashlyn had no idea how to start this conversation. She knew what she had to do and it was going to be hard. It was going to hurt.

"Ash..." Ali pressed.

"I made a mistake." Ashlyn rushed right into it. "I fucked up. And its completely my fault."

Ali tried to keep her jaw from dropping. She did not expect the conversation to go this way. She thought this was going to be a good talk... but now she realized she was about to get her heart broken all over again.

"Ashlyn..."

"Just... let me finish. Okay?" Ashlyn looked at her pleadingly.

"Okay." Ali agreed but all she really wanted to do was run.

"I never should have left you. That was the biggest mistake of my life..."

 _Oh, maybe not._ Ali was on a roller coaster of emotions.

"Ending things with you. Telling you I needed time. Those are my only regrets right now." Ashlyn solidifed her feelings. "I _should_ regret kissing you. I _should_ regret cheating on my girlfriend. I _should_ regret being selfish... but I don't"

She turned to face Ali.

"I only regret giving up on you. Because that's exactly what I did. I gave up. I didn't fight. I didn't look for a solution. I didn't try to change. I. Just. Gave. Up. And that was wrong and stupid and selfish."

She took a deep breath and when Ali went to interrupt she gently put up her hand asking for her to wait one second. She had to say it all now.

"I don't love Kate. I never did. And at one point I thought I could..." She looked down at her hands and shook her head. "But it always came back to you. I compare everything to you. I think how everything would be if you were there. And I'll always do that. Because... I'm so madly in love with you that I don't think I'm capable of loving anyone else."

She rushed it out and then composed herself before continuing. She had all of Ali's attention right now.

"I used her to get over you. But it didn't work because I'll never be 'over' you. I did it because you wanted to see other people. Because you wanted to move on. Because you were okay with not being together."

"That's not true!" Ali couldn't let her think that for one second longer.

"Wait, just hear me out..." Ashlyn tried but Ali was not having it.

"No." She shook her head in defiance.

"Huh?" Ashlyn asked softly when she turned to Ali again.

"I said 'no'. Which is what I should have said when you told you 'needed time'. So... no." She repeated. "Now, you can listen to me."

...


	30. Chapter 30

Ashlyn looked at her surprised. _Did Ali just take over this conversation?_ She waited and watched Ali who was obviously gathering her thoughts.

"I didn't want to see other people. And I really, really didn't want _you_ to see other people. But you moved on so quickly, like it wasn't a big deal to forget about us. And that hurt. It hurt like hell, Ash. And I lied when I said I wanted to meet Kate. I lied and I wish I never met her." Ali went on.

She looked like she was getting upset but Ashlyn wasn't sure.

"She's beautiful. And she loves you. And, according to everyone else, she's actually really nice." Ali admitted, since her run-in with Kate was not-so-nice. "And she's-"

"She's not you!" Ashlyn jumped in. She wasn't sure why any of that mattered. Kate wasn't Ali, so Kate wasn't anything Ashlyn wanted.

Ali pulled her knees to her chest and exhaled. This whole thing was a lot to take in. An apology. A possible reconciliation. A love confession. It was heavy.

Ashlyn moved to sit indian-style at her feet and wrapped her fingers around the back of Ali's calves to pull her closer.

"You're all I want." Ashlyn pressed. "And I'm so sorry it took all of this for me to figure that out."

Ashlyn's eyes stung with tears and Ali could see the sincerity of her words in that moment.

"I don't know what to say." Ali's eyes were swelling with tears too.

"You don't have to say anything right now. I'll give you space to think. But I'm ready when you are... okay?" Ashlyn wanted Ali to know she would wait for her so she wasn't pressured into anything if she wasn't ready yet.

"Okay." Ali nodded. She did need some time to process it but she knew the outcome already.

"And..." Ashlyn added. "Um... I'm going to break up with Kate when I get home Wednesday. Just... so you know."

She finished shyly but looked Ali in the eyes. There was no hesitation there. Ashlyn was sure of her decision.

"Okay." Ali said again before Ashlyn kissed her on the forehead and got up to leave the room.

The second Ashlyn was out of sight, Ali missed her presence.

"Wait!" She yelled.

Ashlyn walked backward into the room and to the edge of the bed.

"I don't even know why I would let you leave right now." Ali shook her head. "I don't need to think about it. I want you and that's all there is to it."

She crawled to the edge of the bed and pulled Ashlyn down onto it and into a hug. She held her there for a while. Neither one of them wanted to let go.

Ali felt Ashlyn's lips on her neck. Then up to her jaw and chin. She closed her eyes and inhaled when they met her own lips. Passionately kissing her in perfect sync.

This was the first time Ashlyn kissed _her_ since they broke up. And Ali allowed herself to get caught in it for a bit.

But then she pulled back. Placing a hand to Ashlyn's chest to keep her at bay.

"You're breaking up with her when you get home?" She double-checked.

"First thing." Ashlyn affirmed, huskily, and leaned in again.

Ali kept her off though.

"Then you're going to have to wait a few days for this." She referred to herself and pulled away completely.

Ali got up and made her way to the bathroom and Ashlyn followed to leave. Grumbling the whole way but she knew it was probably for the best.

Right before Ali closed the door, she stuck her head out.

"I'm going to my mom's after camp so we can pick up where we left off on... Friday?" She asked and Ashlyn shook her head 'yes'.

She gave Ashlyn a look, enticing her to move in for a kiss. But when Ash got close enough to do so, Ali closed the door in her face.

"See you Friday." She called from inside the bathroom.

Old Ali was back. Back in control of Ashlyn's heart. And all Ashlyn could to was tip her head back and let out a frustrated groan.

 _Damn, Alex._ She thought with a smile as she left the room.

...


	31. Chapter 31

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is longer than most but I definitely leave you with a cliff-hanger. So there is your warning :) 
> 
> One more chapter after this one and it will bring it all together. Hope you all made it this far. I know you can do one more.
> 
> I love all your comments so keep them coming!
> 
> PS- I'm also writing a super smutty one. so expect that soon.

Camp ended the next day and everyone went their separate ways. Ashlyn flew to Orlando. Ali flew to Miami... and Pinoe went with her to visit for a few days.

Pinoe's plan was to rent a car and drive up to Ashlyn's on Friday for a little party. She just assumed- from both ends of the story- that everything would be settled by then. She didn't even think to mention Ali was coming with her.

Ali was nervous to call Ashlyn when they started on their road trip. She hadn't heard from her since camp. Not even a text. But she figured Ashlyn was just waiting until she saw her in person. There was no doubt in Ali's mind that Ashlyn stayed true to her word.

Ashlyn got nervous when Ali's name popped up on her phone. _Shit._

"I'll be right back. Soccer stuff." She excused herself to another room.

"Hello?" She cleared her throat.

"Hi." Ali exhaled. It was so good to hear her voice.

"What's going on?" Ashlyn asked.

Ali was expecting a little more than just a normal conversation. She wanted to know it was over with Kate and they could start again. But she took what she could get.

"Um we just left so we should be there around 9 and..."

Ashlyn froze. She did not know Ali was coming. She didn't know "See you Friday" was set in stone. She figured she had more time.

"You're coming too?" She asked without thinking.

"Y-yea. Remember?" Ali asked innocently.

"Yea, I just... um, I need to tell you someth-"

"Oh shit, we just missed our exit! Ash, I'll text you when we're closer. See you soon!" She hurried out as she tried to direct Pinoe to the alternate route.

"Al, wait!" Ashlyn tried but Ali had already hung up.

 _This_ was going to be an interesting night. And not in a good way.

...

Ali stretched and tried to calm her nerves when she got out of the car. She couldn't wait to see Ashlyn. To hang out with her again. She missed her greatly.

Pinoe led the way to the backyard and Ashlyn came jogging over to them. She brushed right past Pinoe, whose arms were open for a hug.

"I need to talk to you." She caught Ali.

But Ali was too caught up in missing her to process what she said. She hugged Ashlyn tight but Ashlyn did not hug back. Ali immediately retracted and stared at her. She was about to say something when someone caught her eye across the party.

Kate.

It all hit Ali at once. This was a big mistake. Kate was still very much in the picture.

Her eyes darted to Ashlyn and the hurt was evident. Ashlyn could see it.

Even Ashlyn felt helpless right now.

"Pinoe, can you give us a second?" Ali asked as she stared Ashlyn down.

"Actually..." Ashlyn butted in. "Its probably better if she stays."

Ali couldn't believe what she was hearing right now.

"Excuse me?!" She was getting angry.

"No, not like that. It just looks less obvious if she's talking with us." Ashlyn back-pedaled.

"Oh, right. We don't want to upset your _girlfriend_." Ali was so bitter. And with good reason.

"Al, just let me explain..." Ashlyn started but Pinoe coughed to warn them Kate was coming over.

 _Great. Just fan-fucking-tastic._ Ali thought to herself.

"Megan, always nice you see you." Kate gave Pinoe a hug.

Ashlyn and Ali stood there awkwardly. In a stand-off almost and Pinoe knew something bad was brewing.

"Nice to see you again, Ali." She extended her hand for Ali to shake.

Ali stared at it for a second and then stepped forward.

"Whatever." She said as she brushed past Kate without shaking her hand.

Even Pinoe was stunned. She had never seen Ali be rude before in her life. She herself wasn't sold on Kate either so... she liked this side of Ali. She looked back at Ashlyn and then jogged after her friend.

"I tried." Kate said apathetically.

Ashlyn gave her an annoyed look.

"What? You asked me to be nice. I tried." Kate shrugged and walked back to the party.

...

Ashlyn sulked for the rest of the party.

Ali somehow convinced herself to stay. She didn't want to make Pinoe drive three hours back in the same day. She could suck it up and they would leave in the morning.

All she had to do was... not look at Ashlyn. Or Kate. For the whole ngiht. Yep, sounded like a plan.

She shook her head and took a gulp of her beer.

...

"You're back!" Jess and Liz arrived to the party late and crushed Ali in a hug.

"I thought I was." Ali muttered.

"Huh?" Liz asked.

"Nothing." Ali covered it up quickly. "What's up?" She put on a smile and tried to keep it there all night. She took an ever bigger gulp of her beer.

...

Ashlyn couldn't help but steal glances at Ali. She tried to find a time, when she was off Kate's radar, to go talk to her but it never worked out in her favor.

She watched her friends pal-around with Ali and wished she could join. Wished she could explain it to her. Wished she could go back in time.

Kate noticed where Ashlyn's attention was all night. She noticed how Ashlyn was distant while she was at camp. How Ashlyn was acting weird since she came back two days ago. She figured the call Ashlyn excused herself to take earlier was tied into it too.

She loved Ashlyn. She wanted her to be happy. She didn't like seeing her so removed.

Kate brought her another drink.

"Hey, are you okay?" She asked and sat gently on Ashlyn's lap. She rubbed soothing circles on her back.

"I'm fine." Ashlyn forced a smile and gave her a squeeze. "Just tired."

Kate knew she was lying. She had been lying to her for a while now. Ashlyn was too nice to tell her the truth.

"I love you." Kate said and kissed Ashlyn on the lips- a bold, meaningful kiss- before she got up and walked away. Leaving Ashlyn alone for the second time that night.

Ali, of course, looked up at one point and only caught the kissing portion of their interaction. She felt her heart shatter in her chest and quickly excused herself to the bathroom before anyone noticed.

...

Ashlyn made her way over to where she last saw her friends. She figured if they were all there- she could pull Ali to the side and have it not be so obvious to Kate.

Of course, when Ashlyn got to them she realized Ali was not there anymore. Asking was too obvious and Pinoe was already giving her the cold shoulder. So she sat down next to Liz and rested her head on her shoulder.

Liz knew something was up earlier but wasn't sure what it was. She figured it was an Ali thing. that seemed to be the only thing Ashlyn cared about enough to mope about it. She didn't press though- she just let Ashlyn lean on her.

...

Ali walked out of the house a few minutes later and headed back toward Pinoe. But when she got closer, she saw Ashlyn sitting with them too. She wasn't ready to sit with her and Kate right now, let alone ever. so she darted to the beach path before anyone could see her.

But one person watched her every move and a few minutes later, got up to follow.

...

Ali walked straight down to the water and waded until it was knee deep. She felt nothing right now. Like if the waves carried her out to sea- she wouldn't even fight.

But after five minutes- she realized that wasn't logical, nor was it going to happen. Nor did she really want it to.

She walked up halfway to the house and sat in the sand, facing the ocean. She needed some time alone. To calm herself and decide how to handle this.

But she soon heard someone walking up behind her. She figured it was Pinoe or Liz or Jess.

The person sat down next to her.

Nope. Not Pinoe or Liz or Jess...

It was Kate.

...


	32. Chapter 32

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The FINAL chapter. The end.

Ali looked out of the corner of her eye and gulped, preparing for a fight. She wasn't sorry for being rude to Kate before. She didn't feel guilty about it. But she certainly wished she didn't have to face her right now. 

"I love her." Kate started.

Ali didn't respond but Kate wasn't expecting a response anyway.

"I know you love her too." She continued.

"She's your girlfriend so..." Ali added bitterly. What would be the point in denying it at this point?

She waited for the inevitable "stay away from her" speech to start but it never did.

"She doesn't love me." Kate said sadly and watched as Ali froze, her eyes still on the water, not daring to look at Kate.

"...She's your girlfr-"

"Enough, okay?" Kate raised her voice. "I'm trying to help you here."

That got Ali's attention. She turned slightly to face Kate.

"She loves you. She never stopped. I can see it in her eyes when you're around. She never looks at me like that." Kate confessed.

Ali took a second to absorb all of that. She didn't know what to say. Nothing seemed right. What was Kate trying to do?

"I lied to you..." Kate continued. "When I first met you."

Ali tried to think of what she meant. They did nothing more than introduce themselves last time.

Kate rolled her eyes at Ali's confusion...

"When I said she never mentioned you." Kate reminded her.

Ali thought back on how that interaction made her feel- insecure, unimportant, hopeless.

"I lied... All she talks about is you, Ali. I just said that to mark my territory." She admitted.

"Well, you marked it." Ali said. 

Kate could hear the sadness in her voice. She decided just to cut to the chase.

"I'm done, okay?" She explained and Ali's eyes darted to her. "I want her to be happy and unfortunately, in this situation, that means I need to let her go."

Ali couldn't believe what she was hearing. Was this a joke?

"So... that's it. I'm leaving. I left a note in her room." Kate stood up and Ali decided she should too.

"You're not going to talk to her first?" Ali asked. _How could anyone just give up on someone like Ashlyn?_

"I already kissed her goodbye." Kate said and looked down. _Though Ashlyn didn't seem to realize it was a goodbye kiss._

Kate turned and walked toward the house.

"She was right." Ali started and Kate looked to her one last time. "You really are nice." She finished quietly. 

Kate smiled softly at that and nodded before making her way back up the path to the house.

She slipped out of the party without Ashlyn even noticing.

...

The party cleared out and Ashlyn walked the last few guests to the front of the house. Pinoe and Ali hung back with Liz and Jess since all four were staying the night.

"Where did Kate go?" Pinoe asked.

"Who cares." Liz huffed.

"Ya know..." Ali started. "She's not so bad." She said as she excused herself and went to intercept Ashlyn up front.

They all looked at each other and wondered what changed as she walked away.

...

"Hey." Ali said as Ashlyn was turning around to walk back.

"Oh my goddddd!" Ashlyn jumped when Ali startled her. She lowered herself to the ground with her hand on her heart. "You scared me." She laughed.

"Sorry." Ali sat down next to her. She wasn't laughing.

There was a moment of silence.

"I talked to Kate." Ali said after a minute.

"You did?" Ashlyn asked. Surprised and worried at the same time.

"Well... technically she followed me to the beach and had a talk with me... but yes."

"Al, whatever she said- I'm sorry. She can be overprotective sometimes and jealous and-"

Ali cut off her sentence by kissing her. She kissed her long and hard. And when she pulled back- she smiled at Ashlyn's reaction. 

Ashlyn still had her eyes closed as she leaned closer to Ali. She didn't seem to care if anyone saw. It wasn't until Ali cleared her throat that Ashlyn opened her eyes and looked around.

"I think I'm ready to listen." Ali admitted and looked Ashlyn in the eyes apologetically.

"I couldn't do it right when I got home. I felt so bad. And I was wrong for dragging it out. Especially for three days. But I just couldn't break her heart right off the plane. And then last night- I tried to have a talk with her but she had other plans and-"

"I don't need details, please." Ali put her hand up to stop Ashlyn's sentence.

"Sorry." Ashlyn nodded. "Long story short. I messed up. I procrastinated. And I'm really sorry... again. But I'm done being sorry." Ashlyn moved to get up and talk to Kate finally.

Ali grabbed her hand and pulled her back down.

"She kinda... left. Said she kissed you goodbye. And left you a note?" Ali continued.

She wasn't really sure if she should tell Ashlyn any of this or let her find out on her own but she was done waiting.

"Oh..." Ashlyn thought back to Kate saying 'I love you' and kissing her. She knew it felt like more than a normal kiss.

But Ashlyn was mostly unaffected by it. She could only focus on one thing right now- the girl sitting next to her.

Ali pushed her a little to bring her back to reality. 

"Well... shit." Ashlyn finally said. "I uh... I don't know what to say."

"Maybe you should read her letter." Ali suggested.

Ashlyn shrugged.

"Am I a jerk if I don't really care what it says?" She asked. It sounded cold but Ali didn't mind. She didn't care what it said either.

"Maybe we should go back to the party?" Ali tried again.

Ashlyn looked at her and smiled.

"Nahhh." She laughed and pulled Ali into a hug. "I just want to hang out with you, if that's okay?" She nuzzled into Ali's neck.

Ali held tight and kissed her cheek. That sounded okay to her. She never wanted to let go of Ashlyn again.

...

Ashlyn pulled back a bit after a few minutes.

"Are we... back?" She asked hopefully.

Ali traced her jaw with her thumb and leaned in to kiss her softly.

"Not yet. We'll see how our second, first-date goes." She said teasingly, but she certainly meant it.

She pulled back and let go of the hug. She knew where to go with this.

"Oh!" Ashlyn smiled. "We're going on another first date?"

"Sure." Ali got up and brushed the grass off her shorts and started back to the party. "IF I say yes when you ask me on one."

She said over her shoulder with a challenging glare as she made her way toward the girls.

 _Yup._ Ashlyn shook her head with a smile. _We're back._


End file.
